Dear Shawn; my babyboy,

I've been thinking a lot about the promise you're going to make to me in December. Well, we have already done that, I mean we've talked about it and have agreed to it. What I want to know is what exactly are we promising? Why are you going to give me this ring?

Yes, It's a promise to someday get married and live in love with each other forever.
But in reality, we've already done that, but I guess a ring makes it more official? haha

So why isn't it an engagement ring? Is this a "I promise that I love you as of now and I hope things work out for us to be married someday if we're still together?"

What makes this ring different from an engagement ring?

You know, I thought about it and our "promise ring" was our rice necklaces. I mean, what was going through your mind when you bought those? "We're going to be together for quite some while" right? That was about 6 months into our relationship...

Look, I am never going to find someone else who will love me the way you do. You put up with all my crap, all the annoying stuff that doesn't even matter, a normal person wouldn't want to deal with. Honestly, if I didn't seriously love someone, I wouldn't want to deal with that, it's ridiculous and just makes things harder than they need to be.

I really really hope you're not just settling for me because you think you won't find anyone out there who will love you again. I know you could easily be with anyone you so choose, and I know you know it too ;) Whether or not they'll love you back as much as I do or more is a risk you're too scared to make.

But as for me, I don't know where I would be without you. You came into my life so unexpectedly and have brightened my days tremendously. You were given the name Sunshine for a reason bigger than you realize.
I was never good enough for anyone until you came around. For a long time I was getting scared I would never find anyone who could love me back. I prayed and prayed and prayed for God to give me someone who would love me just as much as He knew I would love them.

But fortunately He messed up my request; God gave me someone who loves me more than I could ever love another person. I'm catching up though my love, I fall more in love with you every day. I thank Him every night for "blessing us with the beautiful gift of love" as you once said and I don't want to throw it away.

You are truly a gift from God that I don't deserve. I know you think it's you that doesn't deserve me, but I don't think you understand how wonderful you are. Yes, you may have made mistakes in the past, but that doesn't matter anymore. "The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" Samuel 16:1

And You truly have a beautiful heart. You love God and are trying to do His will, and are successful! That's hard for so many people to do, including me, but somehow you manage to follow through with ease :)
I've questioned my faith so many times, a person who's been religious all her life, and I meet you, who's just learning about Him, and you just seem to make loving God this simple deed. You inspire me so much because I love to see you learn about your faith and actually get excited about it! I envy your enthusiasm for your new found knowledge of God's love. I've known God has loved me since the beginning, and I always just never realized how incredible His love was until I found you.

This is why I love you, and want to be with you forever. I never want to stop learning and sharing God's love with you. Because "God is love, and all who live in love live in God and God lives in them" 1 John 4:16

You have no idea how happy you've made me because you have made me realize that. Your love for me is so incredible, incredible is an understatement. I am currently crying tears of joy because my heart is spilling out to you in this letter.

I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart and I am not going to give up on you. We are truly what God's picture of love is. "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres" 1 Corinthians 13:7 You are my superman, you trust me always, you always hope for us to be together, and you have never given up on us, even through all the challenges I've put you through.

Ha, this letter was not initially for you to read, I needed to sort things out in my mind, but in reality I already had everything worked out for me. I already know I love you and am going to be with you for the rest of my life. I just can't believe that it's been a year already. I love you so much already, to think I have the rest of our lives to love you even more. :) I can't wait. So, when you do finally give me that promise in December, I know I will happily make that promise with you. So to answer my question; yes, it is an engagment ring... because You are it for me.

Your babygirl,
Cecilia

I don't know how you do it God, how to you manage to do it all?

Last night, I stayed out in the backyard until 3 in the morning watching the meteor shower. It was such a beautiful night, nice breeze, comfortable temperature, the moon was gorgeous and the shooting stars were breathtaking!
I counted 37 beautiful stars, and those were the bright ones! I even saw a fireball! You should have heard me gasp when I saw it in plain view. I get theis feeling of adrenaline that rushes through my body, much like the feeling you have when you fall in love.
I stayed out there for 3 hours, and it didn't even seem like it. I was out in my yard so long I witnessed a cloud form and then fade away. It was kinda funny. I just laid there on the cement next to the grass with one of the small pillows from my couch, my own little sanctuary.

While I was watching the sky and waiting, it gave me time to think about everything. You know, now that I think about it, I didn't think of everything. Not once did I think about leaving or missing Shawn or the anxioty I'll have at UNT. I just felt at peace. Before I went out, I was reviewing the Bible verses I looked up for Shawn's "going away" present and was highlighting them. While I was out there, I prayed and I thanked God for Shawn and all the little things he has done for me. Haha I even thanked Him for Coldplay, it was the perfect music to be out there with.

And as I laid there, Shawn's voice just kept going through my mind, "The world is just too perfect for there not to be a God" and he's right! Everything was perfect that night for me, and things like that can't just happen on accident. It's amazing how much closer I've gotten to God, and I'm going to blame Shawn and Phillip for that haha.
I've been religious all my life and understand that God works in His ways, but it was just a thought. I never really prayed or thanked Him until recently. He's helped those boys endure so much, they are thanking you in all that they do, or at least they are trying.

Honestly, I don't know why I'm writing this, I'm just going on and on not making any sense. I just know that God has blessed Shawn and I "with the beautiful gift of love" as Shawn would say, and I thank Him everynight for that.

Hello LJ,

I know I haven't written in awhile but, hey it's been a busy year!

( Let's see, what's new; )

After that was all over, friday we rented some movies. I got Click, Across the Universe, and The Pianist. Click was pretty funny and almost a Bruce Alimighty deja vu.....Across the Universe was pretty out there. It was a musical with remakes of Beatles songs in the 60's with opinions about the Vietnam War and such. Pretty decent over all. The Pianist I just got finished watching, was very depressing, but hopeful. Amazing he survived through all that tragedy, all for his music. I really like WWII movies for whatever reason. I guess it's the only war that i know most about and it has that religious/psycho factor. who knows.

WHEW! I feel good so far. I still think about my friend situation from time to time, and i've talked to some people. I wish it wouldn't bother me, but it does.

Am I a Loner? Am I supposed to be alone? I wish i could have that one special friend who feels the same about me the way i feel about them. Someone that I depend on and they depend on me. Someone who actually needs to talk to me and I to them, but each one has divided their attention to someone else. *sigh* I love you Jazz, I love you Sam.

***Jazz, you're so outgoing and electrikk lol. I wish i could be so cool like you. So intellegent so understanding. You're a very deep thinker and fun to be around. PLus, i practially owe my whole music collection to you :)
***Sam you're so funny and a good listener. You love everyone and are everyone's favorite person. You're so talented and beautiful. You're the only white girl I know who could pull off bootylicious lol

But Jazz, no matter how close I may get, you're always going to be partial to Jess, no matter how much she may piss you off because you have a bond that no one else has acheived. I don't know what it is but she probably touched you in a way no one else could.
ANd Sam, you have to admitt, you're more partial to christine, you guys have more in common. and i understand. I hate to read, I hate most TV and our music tastes are different, while christine loves to read and loves to talk buffy and other TV shows....although i've noticed that I haven't heard buffy references in a long time.

And i'm okay with that, you have found that wonderful person who meets all of your needs, I just need to find mine. but i'm not outgoing, and making friends who have already snuggled into that comfort zone of elementary friends like me is hard. And i get it, we have history together, that's why we have friend groups.

But just know, I live for you two. YOu're the ones who have always been there, you have actually cared. I stick around for you guys. If anyone else were to leave this world forever, it wouldn't hit me half as hard as if I were to loose you two. but i just have to live with the fact that you have found someone who will be your best friend forever.

I keep wondering if i'm doing something wrong that makes me not close to anyone. Is it because i don't open up, is it because my standards are too high? i haven't figured that out yet, or i just am too stubborn to realize it. I'm afraid to take risks and let myself out there. would that be a factor? *sigh* who knows. I don't even know that's for sure.


But I Love You Two....I Really Do.

Well this spring break has been pretty laid back. Although the most exciting.

Friday we got out of school and we had Easter. Ha i got out of the Easter Parade.

Then we had a family cook out indoors? The point was that we cooked to meat outside. It was actually kinda cold this year now that i think about it.


Monday came along and no one did anything. Tuesday though we had a long trip ahead of us.
See, we planned on going to Albuquerque for that Violin shop called Robertson and Sons. My mom was really counting on me picking out a new cello. So, we packed our doggies things for we were going to take them.

It was about for hours from El Paso (and i slept most of the way) We finally get there around 9:30 and the shop is this 2 story home-like building. I go inside and eveyone is so nice, but so busy. We finally get someone's attention and we talked to the cello specialist Aaron Robertson.
He asked me a few questions about my instrument and led us to the "cello room"
There are about 3 glass rooms all humidified filled with every kind of string instrument from ugly rentals to million doller instruments. It was so overwhelming seeing all those cellos in good condition, you could imagine how difficult it was to even begin.
Luckily though, Aaron was super helpful and he narrowed my selection down. I told him I wanted a darker sounding cello under or around $10,000. After a moment of thought, he went around the room picking out 5 different cellos. "Here you go, see which one you like"

I looked at my mom and we were both really excited! Just trying the first one, it was a world of difference from my old cello. They were all so beautiful, except the third one. THe third one I tried was the ugliest color on a cello i had ever seen- a reddish orange, compared to a traditional brown/tan. After I tried all of them, turns out the third one was the greatest sounding one of them all. Ugh so rich so dark, it gave me chills.
Aaron came by and saw that we were about finished. He even offered to play the instruments to make absolutely sure this was the one i wanted. aww it was no comparisson. That was the one. He even tried out the 5 bows to make sure that the one i picked would match the instrument.
After we made the final desision, to seal the deal he brought me to a recital hall where I could play the cello with all the acoustics and really see how good it sounded.

Turns out, the reason why it sounded so different from my old one was because the model of cello was actually wider and you could say "fatter" than usual. The model I used to have was a stradivarious which is skinny and has a brighter sound. My new cello is a Montagnana model

Old Stradivarious Model


New Montagnana Model


(oh btw, these arn't pictures of my actual cellos so yea, lol i still need to take a picture of them)

THis new model is so fat, it doesn't even fit in my hard case....BEcause it's so big we all agreed it's name should be Chelita or Cellita (yes i name my cellos, my old one was named Peggy, only because my dad named it. We joke saying that Peggy Jensen is such a red-neck name. Now Cellita Montagnana is such an exotic name) lol...so now i have to buy a whole new hard case. I really don't like hard cases. My old case was a light weight padded hard case, but the one i'm getting (wednesday..we weren't going to get it right away but my grandma decided to pay for it all) is all fiberglass. white outer shell with a wine (purple) inside. yummy lol.
(they did have a purple one, but come on, white is classy :) )

So this week has been totally exciting for me!

Having a new cello is like having a new baby! Everyone wants to see it, how old is it, when was is "born" what did you name it. it's just fun and exciting.
I now even made my brother's room the "baby room" with a humidifier that we had in the hallway i have to cheak on it from time to time to fill the dampits (mini humidifiers you put in the cello since it's so dry here)

I am truly happy with my new "baby" :)

Well then, summer's here! I for once in my life, have something to do during the summer. My friends will rarely actually call you and ask you to do something, (don't get me started on this just, read the rest of my journal to figure it out) SO, therefore I planned out my own summer fun.

First of all, I've been going to Symphony Youth Practices :0 (totally fun, me, Chris, and Jorge love making fun of people)

Also, my brother is here in town and we went to Austin not too long ago.. It was so cool, we ate every country's food you could imagine and saw Pirates. Of course I went for my cousin's graduation and then came back and played for Andress's graduation.

Today we went to take pictures with my grandma and her husband.

Then I recently got a call from Mrs. Hernandez about this Summer Musical the District puts on every year, and they were in desperate need of some cellos, so I've been playing in that and recruiting people. That is way more fun than I thought it would be. Seeing the show evolve is so cool! We're performing Once Upon a Mattress. Basically it's a comedy of the princess and the pea.

Then of course I have my Florida Trip tomorrow morning! ahhhhh! yessss! but the downside is being at the airport at 4:45 in the morning....but I don't care because it'll be worth it, me and Jazz will have lots of fun, and it'll be more than you'll ever do in your summer. So there. haha.

ANYWAY also, after the trip, On the week of July 9th, we actually perform Once Upon a Mattress Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I think, plus dress rehearsals of course. Then we have Strike on Sunday where everyone helps in taking down the stage and turning everything in and having fun, eating and such.

THEN! We have jazzy-man's birfday on the the 21st (which I'll take her to go see Evan Almighty and such) plus that week I'll start practicing with the drumline. And of course, I must must must start practicing my All-Region/All-State music. It's a must! :)

Also Cartel's new album comes on July 24th! Which is totally awesome.

Whew, I have a lot of things to do. So what are you doing eh? I bet nothing...sitting at home watching TV for 11 hours and Myspacing it. Lame. Go take a shower you hoe bags. I know you haven't for a week now.

haha.

Well then. I'll be having fun for once.

You better open the door before I take a hammer to the walls around it.
I cannot let you inside my cell for fear i'll sink the ship and drag us both down

I hate this. We're falling apart.
I need air.
We were supposed to be the closest of friends forever.
Now it seems like our hearts don't beat the same anymore.
Each other's company is no longer comforting.

I found a letter that said:
"I'm sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down,"
You'd think I'd ought to be used to that by now.
Save for a few of those late night episodes,
Missed opportunities, and "I Don't Cares,"
There's not a lot that I feel obliged to share or talk about.

I'll have my brother stop by this Saturday to pick up my things,
Just make sure you're not there.
This may sound bad, and don't take it the wrong way..
I love you, however,
You hold me down

Cancel our dinner with Max and Coraline,
feed Jacky's gerbil and try to stay clean.
We'll talk it over after I've had some time alone to sort it out.
You hold me down

You're the echoes of my everything,
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.
You're the laziness of afternoon,
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloomed..
You're the leaky sink of sentiment,
You're the failed attempts I never could forget.
You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love..
How will I break the news to you?

The Perfect Clothing Wish List ( some of them are links and others don't have exact links so pictures are posted )

Relient K's Piano Shirt ~~~ http://www.zambooie.com/stores/Detail.tpl?cart=11575816614277675&st_id=153&sku=RKT104

Cartel's Rock Storm ~~~ http://www.merchhead.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=161&manufacturers_id=26&osCsid=96819ee8185ea88a151575b8610397e3


Relient K's Rose Hoodie ~~~ http://www.zambooie.com/stores/Detail.tpl?cart=11575816614277675&st_id=153&sku=RKHOOD100

Cute Is What We Aim For Curse Of Curves Shirt ~~~ http://store.fueledbyramen.com/albumview.asp?idproduct=27160

MCS commit to this memory shirt ~~~ https://secure.bluecollardistro.com/motioncitysoundtrack/


MCS rose shirt ~~~ https://secure.bluecollardistro.com/motioncitysoundtrack/

teehee well like i posted before my mom got a new puppy. (which probably none of you payed attention)

well here she is. Her Name is Josephine...but we just call her joey


look at that melon head!


And when we finally got her to sleep.


Yeah, she'snot much bigger than my ancient camera. I think i could crush her with my big toe.

Anyway there's more here : http://s3.photobucket.com/albums/y62/celloplaya/My%20Pictures/

yo my lovelies...i got my new schedule.

(sorry tristine, i wasn't able to change my schedule the way i said i would, :(( )

ok well here it goes...

Orch~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~have no idea who the teacher is

Algebra 2~~~~~~~~~~Annette Henry

Bio 1 pre-ap~~~~~~~JoAnn Burman

World History~~~~~~David Hohnholt

English 2 pre-ap~~~Eduar Rodriguez

PE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Deanna Delacruz

BCIS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Karen Lowry

Spanish 2~~~~~~~~~~Erika Luna


sooo, yea. there ya go